remnants of CN

i haven't posted in ages...
haha i say it like i post regularly >< (look how lazy i am...i can't even properly capitalize...LOL)

it's amazing how much effort and time you invest into something...and yet it's over in a second. I remember when i did decathlon every test seemed to go by so painstakingly slow...especially when we did superquiz relay. i felt like time was weighing down on me as i struggled with myself to go with my gut answer, searched all relevant information to cast aside doubt, tormented myself in the few moments in between questions for a wrong answer, and held my breath as i skimmed the question before me, being read at the very same moment, and yet the vocalized words nothing but a mere murmur. When i watched SQ this year it went by so quickly. perhaps because it held less meaning to me, no offense. perhaps because i was not gripped by that tension, that fear, that desire.

and yet, CN went by so very very quickly. how long did we plan? prepare? practice? almost 5 weeks!! and yet...in three hours it was done. and it truly emphasized that what you do is for the value it has to you, not some sort of recognition you gain. a lot of the things that are planned that people work hard for go unappreciated. But, that's the beauty of it. even if others do not know, or cannot fathom, how much effort you put into it, it's how you feel at the end of the day. it's how much you invest and how much you truly care that shows who you are -- even if that value cannot be readily measured by others. but, if you were able to do so, would life be very superficial? it's better to truly get to know an individual rather than just accepting who they are on the surface. high school and college are so starkly different in that aspect. i can't just make a blanket statement, for this does not hold true for everyone, but, in high school many people just try to show who they are through their achievements. Grades and volunteer work become the ends rather than the means -- getting good grades and doing volunteer work make you a better person, but then the emphasis gets placed on the letter/gpa or in the hours/awards, that the true drive is displaced. in college it still exists, and it definitely does take precedence. but...i feel like the true drive is put to the test and reinvigorated among people.

it's kind of an obvious point, but i forget it constantly. or rather...i feel like i've lost any drive at all.

oh -- and since i know you guys who read my blog: NEWS!! weber wears GLASSES! ahahaha i'll upload the pic soon :D