i suck at writing.

I don't like soggy cereal.
And I despise essays. Especially those not in my native tongue.

Interviews go on too long and my days revolve around one thing that I don't particularly care for at the moment.

Spring Quarter

Each day I continue to struggle with everything I have involved myself in. I thought that after lu'au finished I could breathe and delve further into my studies. But, I realized just how much I have been involving myself in everything, and I think I'm stretching myself thin. Or rather, when I want a breather and just have a clear moment to myself I fail to really just create my own bubble. I have to regain that. Taiko is my ability to let go and really find myself again. Especially those 2 refreshing minutes of meditation at the end.

I realized that this entire quarter is just everything Japanese. I miss math.

Lu'au!

Pretty pictures. Everyone else was soooo good!! it was fun.
and this is my first grade level post. so i give you pictures.

the little things

sometimes i wonder why i care so much. and then i reflect upon it and realize just how childish and insignificant it is.

but then, i realize that it's because it was a part of myself which i devoted to something i loved, and to have something like that thrown in my face is like a slap in the face to something i cherished.

but it shouldn't be like that. why should i allow such a little person to destroy and ruin what is important to me? he is not big enough to mar something beautiful. they are not worth the time and energy to moan over. they will never be good enough for all they attempted to eradicate what we worked so hard to achieve.

for he who is so small a person and so immature to take such a path i refuse to reduce myself to his level. but he has once again fallen in my eyes. i still believe that he can be good, but i have things to do and i am childish myself -- i am not so altruistic to waste my breath and whittle away my precious time.

grow up.

"Truth is beautiful, without a doubt. But so are lies." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

ha.

broken strings

"Its so untrue
I cant even convince myself
When Im speaking
Its the voice of someone else"
--James Morrison

sometimes i wonder. it's a wonder how emotions tend to creep up on you and you question who you are and where you're going. but then, you realize how much you can grow with each experience, because you hold a different perspective each time those feelings wash over you.

or so you hope. and wish that it will be better this time, and maybe there will be no new next time.

remnants of CN

i haven't posted in ages...
haha i say it like i post regularly >< (look how lazy i am...i can't even properly capitalize...LOL)

it's amazing how much effort and time you invest into something...and yet it's over in a second. I remember when i did decathlon every test seemed to go by so painstakingly slow...especially when we did superquiz relay. i felt like time was weighing down on me as i struggled with myself to go with my gut answer, searched all relevant information to cast aside doubt, tormented myself in the few moments in between questions for a wrong answer, and held my breath as i skimmed the question before me, being read at the very same moment, and yet the vocalized words nothing but a mere murmur. When i watched SQ this year it went by so quickly. perhaps because it held less meaning to me, no offense. perhaps because i was not gripped by that tension, that fear, that desire.

and yet, CN went by so very very quickly. how long did we plan? prepare? practice? almost 5 weeks!! and yet...in three hours it was done. and it truly emphasized that what you do is for the value it has to you, not some sort of recognition you gain. a lot of the things that are planned that people work hard for go unappreciated. But, that's the beauty of it. even if others do not know, or cannot fathom, how much effort you put into it, it's how you feel at the end of the day. it's how much you invest and how much you truly care that shows who you are -- even if that value cannot be readily measured by others. but, if you were able to do so, would life be very superficial? it's better to truly get to know an individual rather than just accepting who they are on the surface. high school and college are so starkly different in that aspect. i can't just make a blanket statement, for this does not hold true for everyone, but, in high school many people just try to show who they are through their achievements. Grades and volunteer work become the ends rather than the means -- getting good grades and doing volunteer work make you a better person, but then the emphasis gets placed on the letter/gpa or in the hours/awards, that the true drive is displaced. in college it still exists, and it definitely does take precedence. but...i feel like the true drive is put to the test and reinvigorated among people.

it's kind of an obvious point, but i forget it constantly. or rather...i feel like i've lost any drive at all.

oh -- and since i know you guys who read my blog: NEWS!! weber wears GLASSES! ahahaha i'll upload the pic soon :D

when i should be studying...

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's Your Power Color?

my PIC assignment is super hard. and i'm starting to worry about my Math midterm.

why in the world is it when I miss a math lecture it has to be on rotations and revolutions and taylor polynomials? why?

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

dachshunds

I had no idea dachshunds were bred to hunt badgers.

!!

smack dab in the middle.

i have no idea why, but just because.

cranking out my paper because I couldn't think last night. I have to skip class because of it. damn. T^T. this just means I have to work harder.

"Work It Harder Make It Better
Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger
More Than Ever Hour After
Our Work Is Never Over"

Work is never over for us students.

a real blog post

So it's actually been a really long time since I did an actual "blog" post, if ever.  I always seem to rant or just write out something trivial -- usually when I'm so tired my thoughts are inconsistent or I say things in such a manner that don't truly reflect what I want to say.

BUT!!!

This quarter is SO amazing.  I love being busy.  Well...I've been so busy that now I have to study for a midterm I haven't studied at ALL for (like literally...not at all...) and write a 6 page paper.  Fudge.  But.  You reap what you sow right?  I didn't manage my time wisely, and I got sick. Which isn't really an excuse but I just lose so much energy so quickly.  

NSU Culture Night is quickly approaching!  I'm so excited!!  Only 2 weeks and we get to see the whole thing put together.  CN Mixer is this Thursday so we get to play games and get our CN Buddies!!  Hopefully I get someone cool =)  

Hawaii Club practice is so hard!!  I'm not a very good dancer...not graceful in the least and moving hands and feet is SO difficult.  Props to all dancers and musicians!!!   I'm in 4 dances now...Lu'au is in April!!  Exciting, exciting!! Now I really have to focus on getting average, then good ^_^.   The songs are so pretty too :D

Aahhaha okay to recap -- Saturday was the longest but funnest day ever!!  I had CN practice from 10am-3pm (did a little more bondage time with the drama peeps :D).  Then I had dance practice from 5pm-7pm.  We got our skirts for Pu'ili!!  Arlen did such a good job =)   I'm so not coordinated though...it makes me sad =[.  I just have to practice practice practice!!  Then!! We went to All-You-Can-Eat Korean BBQ from 7:30~10pm.  It was SOOOOO amazing. so so soooooo good!!  omg...there were like 30 people total with like 7 to a table...and the two end tables...they ate like 8 HUMONGOUS plates of meat...like literally a pound of meat each plate...or more...it was gross.  but amazing nevertheless.  I <3 times =")">

i really should be writing my paper...fudge.

raising the bar LOL

i feel ... awkward.

it just feels like things move too fast.  but i suppose it's because it's just not mutual.

i ... just don't feel the same.  

i'm just being myself.  and ... i'm not looking for that right now.

Marx is not particularly satisfying and I have yet to read my Psych book.

drawing a blank

everything feels forced, and nothing feels natural.